Report by Mike Greenly
During the spring holidays, the notion of survival, perseverance and redemption comes to mind. With that, it seems like a good time to share with the world at large my personal experience with dramatic life changes. As we head further into spring and summer, heavy-duty changes are something I’ve been living through dramatically.
Less than a year ago, I sold a two-bedroom “co-op” apartment in one of the fanciest neighborhoods of Manhattan — Sutton Place South by the East River. For those who don’t know, a co-op (“cooperative home”) is a multi-family piece of real estate in which a business holds title to the property. It’s not owned by the people who live there. Residents, instead, gain equity by buying “shares” of ownership without possessing a deed.
It was a privileged place to live and I was there for over three decades. When my famous DJ husband died of lung cancer — unable to give up his addiction to cigarettes — I sold the apartment shares to my next-door neighbors who expanded their apartment into mine. I intended to buy shares for a smaller space in the same building. Tragically, however, I was tricked out of the profits that would have made a move possible to my own place. But that’s a story for another time and an extended tale-telling.
I was soon to be literally homeless, no longer owning a place to live. Fortunately, my younger brother, Robert — living near Boston –– came to my rescue in New York. Together, we researched local living spaces for older people. The best choice we concluded was Kittay House, where I am now. It’s just one among several senior care locations in Manhattan, the Bronx, Westchester county and even some options for care from home. Check out https://jewishhome.org/locations/
I’ve chosen to share this story for the benefit of older people and their families everywhere. I hope this explanation will help you be better able to evaluate places for any older people that you may have to consider, for yourself or someone you love. The need for elderly residences will only grow. I’m 78. But all of us are part of an aging population across the globe and including the USA.
The U.S. Census Bureau projects that by 2034, just 19 years from now, the number of adults over 65 will outnumber children under 18. That trend — the aging of American humanity — is expected to continue. By 2060, nearly 95 million of us will be over age 65 and only 80 million under 18.
And now, as I write these words after 78 years on the planet, I find that I’m living a paradox. On the one hand, I’m astonished to be that old. On the other hand, I’m fortunate not to feel that old. But that’s just part of my good luck. That brings me to Kittay House — a place I’m lucky to have found on Webb Avenue in the Bronx, NY.
It opened in 1970 and is supported by an organization called The New Jewish Home but it serves a broad diversity of elderly people. Indeed, I regularly interact with a number of friendly Catholic nuns who live here with me, too.
The organization manages a number of different locations. This is the one I now know first-hand. Because I’ve been impressed by the spirit of the place and its people, I sought some of their perspectives for any reader anywhere who may someday need to find a helpful and supportive facility for a “senior” like me.
A distinction you might find helpful. Kittay House is an “independent” living community. It is not a nursing home, providing medical and personal care in a clinical setting. Nor is it an assisted living residence which also includes some medical support.
Independent living communities primarily focus on serving the social needs of residents, many of whom are able to live independently without much support. I consider myself fortunate in being able to manage the activities of my own daily life.
In order to share a broader perspective with you, I’ve constructed brief profiles about just a few of the many folks I’ve encountered at Kittay House. First off, some members of the overall management here provided me with their insights.
I’ll begin with Associate Director, Susan Brown-Mandel. Her first significant interactions with an aging population came when she worked at an art supply and framing shop. She was intrigued to find a lot of customers in their 80’s who’d only recently begun to paint. As she explained, “It was fascinating and inspiring to see how people can continue to grow and adapt in their senior years.”
Since joining Kittay’s management for its 180 residents, Susan has seen first-hand the importance of community. “It means a lot to me,” she added, “that with the right community around them, they’ll live longer and happier lives.”
I’ve already benefited, myself, from Susan’s friendly support. Kittay House residents have our own “Board of Directors” with officers elected by the tenants. When the current Board President, George Kaplan, learned that I’m a writer, he asked me to work with other board members to create a “tenant to tenant” directory — a listing of residents who’d like to share information about their interests (chess, music, etc.) with others here. I volunteered to be the typist, but Susan has been wonderfully helpful in getting the input forms printed and submitted to all residents.
Another supportive member of the staff is Therapeutic Recreation Supervisor Ruth Maderski. She has worked at Kittay House going on three years. She is touched with empathy when she learns a resident is missing a previous capability, like driving a car. But she’s heartened when she observes the comfort and even excitement that occurs when a resident makes new friendships or discovers a new pleasure like an activity or trip provided for the residents here. She loves hearing someone say, “I’m so glad I can still do this!” Or, “It’s great to be learning something new!”
Ruth’s work here has raised her own awareness of the need to think and plan ahead about one’s own aging and personal destiny. She noted, “I’m thinking about my own future now more wisely.”
Marketing Manager Lillian Negroni has been with Kittay House for 17 years in different capacities. After about five years, she was offered the marketing position because of the ways she had gotten residents to participate and enjoy various programs. She’s experienced sadness over the years as residents she’d come to love have passed away. Being here has made her think more actively about not hanging on to “things” in her own life and home but, instead, focusing more on relationships and planning ahead.
She’s also observed the importance for anyone needing an aide in senior care for whom the role is not just a job but an expression of a sincere wish to improve someone else’s life. Lillian’s desire is to help every resident feel at home. As she said, “Knowing I can be helpful to our residents is deeply satisfying to me, personally.”
Now to the dining room. One of the things I enjoy about the meals here is that they’re all included. They tend to be healthy but tasty and there’s always a choice. For perspective, I spoke to the dining room manager.
During Dining Food & Nutrition Manager Angela Camnero’s five years at Kittay House, she has experienced what it feels like to get attached to tenants, prepare meals for them daily and sometimes to their caring family visitors, but then lose them to illness or even just old age. She is heartened, she says, when she can tell that the efforts of her and her staff are appreciated.
During the height of the COVID 19 pandemic, the dining room had to be closed and meals were delivered individually to the residents in their rooms. She was touched by the outpouring of gratitude expressed by so many. In serving the taste and nutritional needs of Kittay House tenants, she strives to treat them the way she would wish her grandparents (still living in the Dominican Republic) would be treated if they were here.
Next I spoke to two workers here. Staying in the dining room, I chatted with food service worker Anthony Francis, the delightful waiter who brings fresh lunches and dinners to the table. Originally from Barbados, he has a charming accent and an always radiant smile. He’s long believed that aging is a gift from God, with elderly people deserving the same personal attention and caring we get as infants.
“Once a Man, Twice a Child,” he says as he quotes the title of a song by American rapper, Nas. Twice in his two decades at Kittay House, Anthony has used the Heimlich maneuver to rescue diners from choking. He’s definitely among the reasons I’m glad my brother found this place where I’ll safely be growing older.
Other workers include health aides like Dora McClary. During a quarter century here, Dora has found that working with older people has made her better able to offer loving support not only to her own aging mother but to her children and everyone else in the world, too.
Dora recalls one woman — Leona — who became a “second mother” for eight years until she passed. Dora takes pleasure in being useful to older people in diverse ways, from helping them stay on track with medications to helping them take a shower. I’ve come to know a number of the aides here and have been struck to discover that the passion Dora finds in helping old people is widely shared among the staff.
To anyone looking for a “senior” residence for themselves or others, I’d suggest that if possible you get to meet and talk with a staff member or two. If you sense a genuinely sincere level of personal caring about older people, that can only be a good sign.
And for that perspective, I’m citing just a few fellow residents among the many friends I’ve been making here. One of them, Myrna Goggins, has been a resident at Kittay House for three and a half years — much less than some, but much longer than myself. Having chosen the place for her sister-in-law a few years ago, she had already researched facilities for seniors and liked the way it was run.
As we chatted about the place one day, she mentioned that both of her parents were Irish and that she’d grown up steeped in the belief that treating older people with respect and support is a crucial value in life. She’s heard “Sláinte” thousands of times, she says, and the idea of supporting good health had been steeped in her since childhood. Among the activities she enjoys here are participating in the choir, chair yoga, aerobic dance and other exercise classes and even the prospect of gardening. She adds with a smile, “It’s a safe and pleasant place to grow older.”
It was easy to become friends with fellow resident Matthew Richardson. He’s an open and straightforward guy. He came here needing a walker for the fibromyalgia that made his movement slow and uncomfortable. But he had a wonderfully positive attitude and was invigorated by his work representing Panax ginseng. That’s a famous Asian herb that helps reduce stresses on the body — like inflammation and the effects of aging.
“Aside from feeling a generally enhanced sense of my own wellbeing since taking it,” Matthew said, “I’ve been touched by two people I know who purchased it through me after I introduced it to them. One is a woman who was suffering from breast cancer. I was proud that, after she started taking my ginseng, her doctor discovered that it was actually improving her condition. Something similar happened with a friend I’ve known for years. After he became a user, his tumors showed improvement.”
I was so impressed with what I learned that I now take the capsules myself, arranging through Matthew to have them delivered to me every month. It invigorates me to see him actively pursue his business even if he can’t walk without using a device. He perseveres as he lives out his passion to improve people’s health. His site is www.richmatt.binghan.com
One other interesting resident among the people I now call friends is Tom Porton. He arrived after the lasting repercussions of open heart surgery. Today, he uses a walker to safely get around. He had a terrible experience at a different facility — a nursing home also in the Bronx. He intends to write a book about how negligent and inattentive the other crew had been. Hearing of his experience made me feel fortunate to be where I am. It also motivated me to write this report to help others choosing a facility be more aware of what to look for.
In sum, I’ve found the spirit of Kittay House to be positive and supportive of myself as an older person. I’m sure there are many worthy organizations across the country. My hope in sharing this information is perhaps to be of help to anyone looking for an older person’s residency.
Since I can tell you first-hand that Kittay house is a wonderfully helpful place for me to be at my age, perhaps the attitudes you’ve felt reflected in the above will help you know what to look for whenever you need a facility anywhere in the U.S.A.
I’ll close with an Irish proverb that inspires me: “The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune.” It helps to be a “sweet tune” if your instrument is well taken care of. Here’s wishing for you and yours the happiest aging and circumstances possible.