G'Day From Downunder

Get the champers out we have things to talk about.

Living approximately 13,000 miles from my homeland and buckling down to the TV in anticipation of Ireland having an impressive campaign in the European Championship I was in for a rude awakening.

Ireland had not lost a match in its previous 14 games.

Could I expect some sort of decent performance? Well, going on previous form I thought so.

My expectations were soon shattered with their first game loss to Croatia; they let themselves and a country that was looking for some sort of hope to hang on to, down badly with a performance that would have been more in line with school kids playing in a paddock.

This performance from a team of so-called professional was the start of what would then prove to be, worse to come in the form of a lesson of what not to do when you walk on to a football pitch - that is to drop your lip.

Obviously, no lesson was learned from the first match by our heroes in green, as they were given a lesson in their next match by the Spanish on how to play, only this time they managed to lose four-nil with another lacklustre performance.

Their final performance was another disappointing loss this time to Italy, though there was a slight improvement, they only lost two-nil this time with not the slightest glimmer of hope of scoring.

Overall it was a disappointing result as previous form from the Irish gave much hope for a good outcome.

The only winner on the Irish side was by virtue of an increase in the sales of Guinness and Heineken at home and away.

If you think that those results were bad enough for this poor long suffering Irish sports fanatic who was looking for some joy from the old country to perk himself up, then I suffered even more pain watching the All Blacks give the other Irish team a lesson in how to play rugby.

Thank God, the game only runs for eighty minutes as the All Blacks cruised to a record 60-nil win.

I would love to have seen some sort of fight in either or both teams, something that might have brought some joy to a nation that is going through tough times now but it was not to be.

We Irish are well known for our fighting spirit and when someone has the honor of wearing the Irish jersey, nothing less than the best is expected from them.

As they say in the classics "here's to the next time", when I hope we have teams with fighting spirit unlike the sad state of the ones who represent us now.

If this wasn't such a serious subject it could easily be confused with a comedy sketch:

On my last few visits to Ireland I called to the Department of Social Protection Social welfare local office in Hanover Street in Cork to make enquiries about Irish pensions for two of my Irish clients living here in Australia.

On the first visit, they told me my clients would have to apply for a Personal Public Service Number (PPS No.) if they did not already have one.

This number would then identify my clients at all government departments including applying for the pension.

So far so good or you might say, clear sailing, aha but nothing of the kind.

Returning to Australia with good news for said clients, (PPS Nos) were applied for and duely received.

On my return trip to Ireland, I again called in to the DSPS office, this time to get some more help and understanding of the processes in actually applying for the pensions.

Unlike my previous call when I waited for two hours to be attended to while the officers were helping people from other nations who spoke little or no English fill in forms, instead of asking them to take the necessary documents home to fill in, this time I had to wait only one hour and fifty-five minutes, oh what a relief.

That was until I was told it was now lunchtime and I would have to return after lunch - the good news was I would be next in line on my return.

The words murder and assassination crossed my mind for a second or so. No, that's not true it, stayed on my mind all through lunch time as I thought unpleasant thoughts of those bureaucrats who treat people in such a despicable manner.

As I bit in to my sandwich with every bite, I was hoping the print of my teeth would show on the rear ends of the bureaucrats that were lazing their way through the break.

I returned after lunch and true to their word I was called to a small pokey window that resembled a prison visitor's room.

I could understand why this arrangement was in place, to prevent the public from catching the person behind the glass with the small holes from getting the daylights chuckled out of them or even murdered by an impatient member of the public.

Anyway moving on I was handed two sets of forms for my clients and given self addressed envelopes to the State Pension Section, Social Welfare Services, Department of Social Protection, College Road, Sligo. Mission accomplished... no, not quite.

On returning to Australia I briefed a couple of delighted clients with the good news that, on completing the now in-hand forms all would be well and they would soon be in receipt of their well earned Irish pension.

Before sending, the completed documents to Sligo I made three phone calls to the office to make sure everything was in order; I was assured it was all in order.

Aha but again I was on a fool's earner, being led up the garden path.

Four weeks after sending off the documents as per instructed a reply comes with a letter stating to my amazement that the claims must be made on the form provided by the Social Security institution of the country of residence (in this case Australia). Imagine my going to all that trouble and wasting all that time only to be told it was all in vain.

You would have to wonder who in God's name runs departments like this and employs people who don't know there arse from their elbow or their right hand from their left.

So here I am now left wondering how all those people who came into Ireland over the last twenty years or so from all over Europe and Africa receive such lucrative handouts from the government.

Yet here I am, in the business of pensions for thirty years and I can't get a sensible bit of information from anyone who will answer a phone in Sligo.

Hello Sligo is anyone home there? I suppose not.

Maybe if they did answer the phone I would only be sent on another fool's earner. I thing I'll give the Vatican a call and see what the Pope is up to... he might be free for a chat.

Don't laugh, I bet I have a much better chance of talking to him than the DSPS crew in Sligo.

As for my clients, I think I will be joining them doing a bit of busking on the streets of Melbourne when my retirement comes as there seems to be no hope of an Irish pension for me and there is no guarantee that anyone in Sligo is going to answer my enquiry anyway.

Until I talk to you again soon be good to those who love you and Slainte from Downunder.

You can catch me at mike@globefins.com.au