With Apologies To Leonard Cohen

"... and I lift my glass to the Awful Truth
which you can't explain to the Ears of Youth
except to say it isn't worth a dime...
- Leonard Cohen

By Charley Brady

Well, I'm sitting here with head in hands, looking at the disaster area around me. I have the plumbers in at the moment and a small job, of course, seems not to have been one after all. (When I say "head in hands" I don't mean my decapitated head, although I'm quite sure a lot of readers, not to mention people in my personal life would be quite happy with that.)

Anyway, with that and about a dozen other things that went pear-shaped this week I'm not too well up on what's been happening in this great little nation these past few days, outside of the demonstrations at the Dail where Joe McNamara of Achill Island drew a lot of favourable reaction for once again using his truck to cause a disruption. Some months back it was outside the Anglo Irish Bank; this time it was the gates of the Dail.

Mr. McNamara, now known throughout the land as the Anglo Avenger, has seen himself pretty much wiped out by the bank so it does seem crazy that he was arrested and will be getting taken to court, when - yes, years on - not a single banker has had to face the same thing; and as this column has so often said, not a one of them ever will have to do time. We can be pretty damned sure of that.

So it's not surprising that, in a country where people have watched their savings be wiped out by the incompetence and greed of these people, he has been embraced as a hero. Throw in the fact that he's a handsome guy - one widely circulated photograph of him in a tuxedo shows him as a kind of Bruce Wayne figure - and now is in debt to the tune of €3.5 million.

Still, I think that it may be a little premature to portray him as a completely selfless campaigner. While most people lost their money through absolutely no fault of their own Mr. McNamara is a bit of a different case. Ranging from construction through to hotels and others he has been the director on 16 companies over the past decade and a half. His company, Achill Island Renewable Green Energy was wound up in 2006. It had faced considerable opposition from his fellow islanders. He is based in Galway now and has 22 apartments.

People are desperate for him to be a genuine hero. We'll see, though. One person who has had dealings with him even went so far as to suggest that he was a greedy developer himself.

Someone who is definitely NOT a hero or, whatever he believes, a man of the people, popped up - literally - in a most unexpected place this week.

Yes, it was Bertie Ahern and there he was sitting in some poor woman's cupboard drinking tea and smirking to beat the band. Can you imagine opening your airing cupboard and coming face to face with that grinning chancer? Jeez, you would have a heart attack on the spot!

It was, incredibly, an advert for his sports column in the "News of the World". What do you mean, you didn't know that Bertie was a sport writer? If there were was a buck to made this fella would be doing the fashion pages, for heaven's sake!

So there he is, bizarrely enough sitting in a cupboard and having a cup of tea. (I suppose that after last week he thought it had to be tea in order to distance himself from Brian Cowen). You couldn't make it up. When I heard people calling in on a radio show in disbelief I though it had to be a wind- up. Even when I looked it up on youtube I still thought it couldn't be real.

If this doesn't prove once and for all what a money-grubbing gouger he is then nothing will. When it comes to even a very few bob he would humiliate himself without thinking about it.

So that was my rather uneventful week. This morning, to phase out a mild desire to jump from a very high window I thought that I would play some Leonard Cohen. For some reason he always cheers me up. When it came to "Closing Time" some words appropriate to this mad country came to mind. With apologies to the great man for mangling his lyrics, here goes:

We were drinking, we were dancing 'cos the country was really happening
And the pint of Guinness 'wisdom' running high.

And our very sweet companion, Mary Harney of Compassion
Has ruthlessly cut every thing, you sigh.

And every drinker, every dancer will raise their pint to thank her.
We don't talk back until we have to bleed.

Haughey fiddled so sublime and Bertie wasn't given time
To fiddle quite as much as he would need...

For it is Closing Time, Closing Time.

So it's Closing Time in Ireland here,
But make sure you hold Brian's beer
'Cos it's two for the Devil and one for the Christ
But the mention of Mass now makes us bored.
We're blistered by that nasty horde

At Closing Time.

And a church boycott here just last week
For the thought that the Vatican just might seek
To keep women locked where they can't even peek

At Closing Time.

Yet Clown is drunk in an interview
And the rest of us don't know what to do,
But we know that the country's surely through
So it's down the tubes for me and you.

It's Closing Time, yeah it's Closing Time.
But Clown didn't stand a chance
When Bertie led him the Sucker's Dance
When he got out and he just cut and flew.

Yet the Devil always gets his call
When he appears at the Sucker's Ball
So Bertie I'd watch out if I were you.

Terry Keane tore her top off
And Haughey danced on the polka dots;
But it's partner found and partner lost
And there's Hell to pay when the fiddling stops

At Closing Time.

Ah we're lonely, we're romantic
And the Guinness laced with acid;
But people now are crying "Where's the beef?"

For the people have just now copped on
That they were suckered all along
By people who were lying through their teeth.

So we struggle and we stagger
Down the snakes and up the ladder
To a place where the bells just no longer chime
They took all of yours and all of mine
So now folks let's just walk the line
At Closing Time.

I love Ireland for its beauty,
Once loved Ireland for its people
But that has really made a fool of me.

I loved it for the scenery
With views that that seemed like God to me
And that sustained me for such a long time.

I loved it when that love was blessed
And I love it now there's nothing left
But sorrow and a sense of over time.

And I miss it since the place got wrecked
And I just don't care what happens next.
It looks like Freedom but it feels like Death.
So it's something in between I guess.

It's Closing Time,
It's Closing Time.

Yeah, it's Closing time all right; and with immigration back again maybe the last one to leave the country could turn out the lights!

By the way, don't be put off by my lyrics; go and listen to Mr. Cohen's real song, or even just anything by him. I know that he likes playing Ireland so again, apologies.

Hope to see you all again next week.

Same bat-time!

Same bat-channel!

You can reach Charley at chasbrady7@eircom.net