Joe Kavanagh's Music News

As the hangovers slowly subside - well, for those that have sobered up at least - a few Irish music stories were appropriately among those that made headlines in the European music media last week. First up, (and you'll have to forgive me because I readily admit that their link to music is tenuous at best) are creepy Dublin twins, John and Edward Grimes a.k.a. Jedward, who in true Dickensian fashion enjoyed the best of times and the worst of times last week, as they saw themselves dropped by one major label, only to be picked up by another days later. The frugally talented teens, whose appearance on TV show, X Factor catapulted them to stardom in the UK and beyond, were dropped by Sony last week, when their recently released remake of Vanilla Ice retread, Ice Ice Baby, failed to make the top spot in the UK charts, which essentially constituted a triumph of integrity over marketing. Fearing that the most sinister twins since the O'Grady girls from The Shining, had already peaked in the popularity stakes, Sony decided to cut bait, only for Universal Records to sign them up on St Patrick's Day. Now their equally objectionable manager Louis Walsh, has put his own spin on the move, claiming that Sony made a big mistake in jettisoning the duo, telling Metro newspaper: "It's Sony's loss and Universal's gain. F**** 'em! Alarm bells started ringing when Sony signed them to the Arista label. I tried to call them the other day and no one in the company knew who they were! The boys were on stage with The X Factor tour last night and totally stole the show. The guys from Universal in Ireland came along and absolutely loved them. They are the same people behind Cheryl and Boyzone, and say the boys will be huge." That sounds a lot like what he said about Sony right before they swung the axe and I'll tell you this much, the only way Jedward can steal any show would be through purchasing an articulated truck and entering the burglary business...

In a related story, Pogues legend Shane MacGowan was quoted in the media last week as saying of the twins: "They are the best thing to come out of Ireland in ages." In mitigation of this statement, I should probably point out that this is Shane that we are talking about and it was St Paddy's week, so he probably had a few shandies in him when he gave that quote...

Digital giant Spotify ran a competition in conjunction with tourist group Discover Ireland last week, which polled users to name their favorite Paddy's Day anthem. Rousing Pogues and Dubliners collaboration, The Irish Rover, beat out competition from a panel of assorted Irish-themed tracks, which featured such unlikely numbers as: D:Ream - Things Can Only Get Better, The Commitments - Mustang Sally and Ash - Girl From Mars. I say unlikely because the D:Ream track has been the theme song for the UK Labour Party since 1997, Mustang Sally is a soul song and I don't think even Ash would consider Girl From Mars to be a Paddy's Day anthem. I can understand Spotify not knowing anything about Irish music but Discover Ireland, c'mon now! Can they seriously see people sitting in a the Puck Fair on Houston Street on March 17 next year, giving a rousing rendition of Things Can Only Get Better? In its defense, it's still better than Ireland's Call, which even when sung correctly sounds like a bunch of drunks with headphones on, singing along to a song that they only know half the words to...

Ash were also in the news last week, when it was announced that Bloc Party guitarist Russell Lissack, will be joining them as a temporary new member for their upcoming tour next month. Bloc Party are currently on hiatus and Lissack is thrilled with his new gig, given that he is a long-time admirer of the Downpatrick indie act. Speaking of his new departure to NME, he claimed: "As soon as they called me I was really excited. I guess the only weird part would be spending so much time with people I don't really know. I'm not sure how that will work out, but we seem to have got on well so far." Given Ash's reputation as some of the nicest guys in the business, I'm sure that he'll be okay; assuming that he doesn't spend his first minutes on the job introducing his new bandmates to his collection of individually-named shrunken heads. That might lead to a long, awkward silence. And separate travel arrangements...

One of the most bizarre stories to emerge in the music media last week was the tale of Tom Shaw, who was traveling by train in England recently, when he was asked to step off the carriage by rail staff, who had been alerted by other passengers that had become concerned with his actions. Shaw had been sitting on the train attempting to write out a set-list for his band The Magic Mushrooms, who were due to perform later that evening. The 25-year-old musician and his act do a cover version of The Killers track, All These Things That I Have Done, for which he just jotted down the word 'killers', an act which evidently caused something of a panic amongst some of those sitting near him. Rail staff demanded that he enlighten them regarding his "suspicious behavior", which included Shaw having to explain other titles that he had written down, such as Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out and Magic Numbers Love Me Like You. Satisfied with his defense, security allowed him to continue on his journey but just for the record, I'm curious to know just what they thought he was up to? Imagine if his band covered Tom Jones Sex Bomb? He could have ended up in Guantanamo. ("Listen, Mr Shaw, you're going to be here until we get to the bottom of what this new weapon can do, or my name's not Maxwell Smart.") With jobsworths like that on the case, I'm surprised they didn't charge him for possession of an illegal substance just for the name of his band...

Speaking of illegal substances, Keane's Tom Chaplin, claims that he has discovered the perfect tool for ensuring that he does not return to his drug-taking ways: golf. Speaking to the Sun newspaper, the singer confessed: "When Alice Cooper needed to give up booze he said 'What the hell am I going to do if I can't drink?', so he started playing golf and became completely obsessed with it - and that's kind of the same as what happened to me." The rather posh Chaplin entered the famed Priory Clinic in 2006, to seek help from problems with an unspecified substance, which Kasabian singer Tom Meighan later claimed was an addiction to port. I'm not sure what it was but Chaplin definitely does strike me as the type of guy who thinks he's got a drug habit because he once purchased a packet of cigarette papers for a friend...

Florence Marling maintains that a noisy refrigerator is playing havoc with her efforts to record a follow-up to her smash hit debut, Lungs. The singer, who fronts Florence and the Machines, told a journalist last week that she and her bandmates are currently demoing new material in their tour bus while they are out on the road, but that the noise from the offending appliance is ruining the quality of the demos. Some might suggest that if a fridge is capable of ruining your tracks, then they can't have been up to a whole lot in the first place. I however, would say, hit the noisy fridge a few belts with a hammer and then attempt to sell the tour bus at a knock-off price to James Blunt... Then tell him you'll give it to him for free if he promises to drive it into Chris De Burgh's home recording studio when he's finished with it...

Morrissey appears determined to stir up a war of words with controversial UK artist Damien Hirst, after dismissing him as nothing more than a "factory outlet". The former Smiths singer is no fan of the man reputed to be the world's richest living artist, due to Hirst's past insistence on using dead animals in some of his works. Talking to artist Linder Sterling, Morrissey fumed: "I dislike the 'use' of animals in art, such as in the work of Damien Hirst. Do you agree that Hirst's head should be kept in a bag for the way he's utilized-and sold-dead animals?" While I personally cannot see how a dead cow or shark can be construed as art, I don't find it any more morally objectionable than using animal parts to make paint. While I am as pro-animal rights as the next man (more so, if truth be told) there are a lot of people suffering in this world that need our help before we start worrying about dead cows. If there weren't idiots out there buying this 'art' or putting it in galleries then there wouldn't be a market for such nonsense. Call me old fashioned but I happen to be of the opinion that a dead cow looks better between two buns than on a wall in a gallery, and if thoroughly self-absorbed and pretentious namby pamby nitwits, with too much cash on their hands can't see that the emperor has no clothes, then good luck to them...

Boy George admits that he's sick and tired of his reputation as something of a loose cannon, which has overshadowed virtually all of his achievements in the world of music. The singer (real name: George O'Dowd) says that he is determined to rehabilitate his career, by releasing new material this year and putting behind him his recent travails, which have seen him battle drug addiction and spend time in prison. Speaking to the UK media last week, the former Culture Club front man admitted: "Probably over the last few years, if you'd have asked people exactly what I do, they probably would have said, 'Oh, he gets arrested a lot.' So I wanted to remind people that I'm a musician and an entertainer." The colorful singer also crossed paths with the current title holder of most colorful person in music, when he recently found himself at a party attended by Lady Gaga. Recalling their meeting, he noted: "I haven't been around that kind of circus in years! I was like, 'Oh my God!' You know, I've been that woman! So it was very interesting to be on the outside looking in. She was very sweet. She asked me to sign her vagina. I just did her hat instead." I'm assuming he meant that he signed her hat but you just never know with these crazy showbiz folk. After all, I've heard of signing certain parts of the body, but a woman's vagina? It's a good job he has a short name. Mind you, if some of the rumors regarding Lady Gaga's anatomy are true, he could have written the sleeve notes from Culture Club's debut album down there...

While we are on the subject of strange places to pen an autograph, Ozzy Osbourne last week recalled a moment when he was given a similarly odd request. Recounting a recent meeting with a fan, Ozzy stated: "He goes, 'I'm a cancer survivor... I had the same cancer as your wife.' 'Oh great - good to hear.' He goes, 'You wouldn't do me a favor...' I said, 'Anything'. He said, 'You wouldn't sign my colostomy bag, would you?' I went, 'What...? No way'." While Ozzy's reaction is perfectly understandable under normal circumstances, one has to bear in mind that this is the same man that bit the head off a bat, so it's a bit rich, him acting creeped out. Having said that, if it was a choice between giving this fella or Lady Gaga an autograph, there's only going to be one winner there.