Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Germany was the site of much glitz and glamour last Thursday, when the MTV Europe music awards came to town, in a nod to the 20th anniversary of the symbolic fall of the Berlin Wall. Beyonce was the biggest winner on the night, walking away with three awards, for Best Female Artist, Best Song (Halo), and Best Video (Ladies (Put A Ring On It)). Other winners included U2, Greenday, Eiminem, Lady Ga Ga and Linkin Park, in an awards show that basically represents a glorified gloop of corporate musical homogeny. U2 also performed a brief live show in the shadow of the historic Brandenburg Gate, where they were joined on stage by Jay Z, who added a tailor-made rap to the band's hit Sunday Bloody Sunday. The gig was not without its controversy, as some pointed out the irony of the decision to erect a two meter tall wall around the site aimed at restricting capacity to 10,000 people, despite the fact that it was initially billed as a free open-air gig for all Berliners. The BBC quoted the leader of the city-state parliament, Frank Henkel, as saying: "It would have been so much better if as many Berliners as possible could have taken part. We don't know who's responsible for this, whether it's U2 or MTV. 10,000 people is a lot, but U2 could have had an even bigger audience enjoying their music at this wonderful location."...

The residual effects of Stephen Gately's sudden demise continue to reverberate throughout the music world a full month after his death from a pulmonary embolism, aged 33-years-old. After initially claiming that an unknown law firm was in possession of his will, estimated to be worth in the region of $11.5 million, his family is now speculating that the Boyzone singer most likely had not written a will at the time of his death. An individual close to proceedings was quoted in the Belfast Telegraph as saying: "One would think that if a law firm did hold the will and had read reports that Stephen's family are desperately searching for it, they would have come forward by now." Why, because all lawyers are known for their scruples? Boyzone were also named Entertainers of the Year by UK gay activism group, Stonewall, who presented Gately's partner, Andrew Cowles with the prize at a ceremony in London last Thursday. Cowles told the audience: "A few years ago Boyzone made pop music history by featuring a gay kiss in one of their videos. That was not a marketing stunt, it was simply a mark of respect for Stephen and his sexuality." Look, I'll admit that Boyzone probably have contributed to gay causes but if anyone believes that the gay kiss thing was not meant to be a publicity stunt for a band whose career was in terminal decline, then get yourself a big pointy hat and sit in a corner. The band also claim that they will be releasing a track featuring vocals by their departed band mate, according to front man, Ronan Keating, who told an Australian interviewer: "It's going to be the biggest song of next year, I promise. Stephen actually recorded his vocals on it, which is very exciting. He did backing vocals, he sounds like an angel, which is ironic." A little arrogant to declare that your own song will be the biggest song of next year, no? If I thought for one minute that Boyzone will have the biggest song in the world next year then I would start work tonight on a rocket to get me off of this planet. During their seemingly endless current global interview tour the band also disclosed that they are currently too distraught to perform live, so at least some good has come out of all of this. For those of you that are easily offended; a wise man once said that comedy = tragedy + time. Anyway, the only way I'm going to mention Stephen Gately in this column from here on out is if he strolls down Grafton street arm in arm with Lord Lucan and Bigfoot...

Idiot of the week award goes to Fiery Furnaces front man, Matthew Freidberger, who made himself look like the south end of a horse cantering north, during an interview with Spinner.com, where he launched a tirade against Radiohead. Speaking of Radiohead's recent track, Harry Patch (In Memorial), Freidberger raged: "F*** you! You brand yourself by brazenly and arbitrarily associating yourself with things that you know people consider cool. That is bogus. That's a put-on. That's a branding technique and Radiohead have their brand that they're popular and intelligent." Naturally, everyone is entitled to their own stupid opinion but the trouble with Freidberger's was the fact that he thought their track related to composer, Harry Partch, when it was in fact about Harry Patch, the last remaining British World War I veteran, who died earlier this year. He apparently can't read either by the sound of things. Freidberger then posted a sarcastic blog, which was aimed at vindicating himself but actually had the effect of making himself look even dumber. Referring to himself in the third person, he asserted: "Matt has not heard the Radiohead song about Harry Patch, as opposed to his imaginary one about Harry Partch, but if he did, he is sure he wouldn't like it. No doubt Radiohead and their fans can ignore his opinion of this matter and the band can continue with their triumphant artistic interventions. Matt would have much preferred to insult Beck but he is too afraid of Scientologists." I do believe that Freidberger is a prime example of what is known as an 'ignoranus' (sic), i.e. a person that is simultaneously incredibly dumb and an a**hole...

A UK study of consumers aged 16-50-years-old has presented some unusual findings, which seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom, in terms of illegal file-sharing. The report found that the average shopper spends a total of $73 on music annually, while those that indulge in illegal downloading actually spend $128 on music each year. Illegal downloading is certainly having a detrimental economic effect on the music industry, but such a study could suggest that the public's love of music has simply tapered off in recent times...

Briefly, another recent music poll of over 4,000 people across Europe, which was conducted by Music Choice, concluded that people are more inclined to remember the lyrics to Beatles songs than those of Michael Jackson or Elvis. As evidence those behind the poll claim that while 89% of those surveyed could remember the opening line of the Beatles' Hard Days Night, only 23% could recall the opening lines of Jackson's Thriller, or Elvis' track Blue Suede Shoes. Now, I'm no rocket scientist (although I wish I was if you were paying attention to my piece on Boyzone) but perhaps the reason that so many people can recall the opening line of Hard Days Night is the fact that it opens with "It's been a hard days night". Just a thought but it's a little bit sad that people are getting paid to come up with such nonsensical conclusions while millions of others are losing their jobs every week. Real jobs...

Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi is recovering after undergoing stem cell treatment on his right hand last month to repair an injury that has been bothering him for over a decade. Speaking of his recovery the legendary guitarist stated: "It's coming on alright actually. I've already had the stem-cell treatment, so I've just got to wait now. It's been six weeks but it's feeling great." That's what he gets for sitting around all day playing with his instrument. Next month he's going in to get his vision fixed... I'm kidding...

It used to be that the offspring of celebrities would use their famous surname to trade on the talent/notoriety of their parents, but Mitch Winehouse is inverting that equation with news that he has just begun shooting his own internet show, will soon release an album and is even rumored to be appearing as a member of the cast on popular trash TV show, I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! His online show, Mitch Winehouse's Showbiz Rant, features the former taxi driver chatting to a celebrity each week, as he drives them through the streets of London in his cab. Winehouse told a UK tabloid that David Hasselhoff has been his favorite passenger so far, stating: "We were meant to be together for 45 minutes but we were together for a couple of hours. What a great day! He loves his daughters - I love my daughter. What I liked about him - because I studied him as well - is that when we were in the street, he was walking around, people would come up to him and they'd say, 'David, I'm a big fan of Knight Rider, Baywatch.' I noticed the time he spent with them. He was caring, he didn't blow them off or anything." He studied him? What the hell is that? Does he mean that he watched Hasselhoff's slow-mo Baywatch running shots on repeat? What's to study? I have a friend that works for a well known TV show and he said that 'The Hoff' is exactly how he seems. When he appeared on my friend's show, he spent the whole day walking around back stage handing out signed photos of himself and even his ringtone was the theme song from Knight Rider. I swear that's the truth. Anyway, back to Winehouse. Mitch is also due to release an album, which he described to reporters as being a bit "Sinatra-ish". I don't know why he even bothers with the "ish" because at least six of the tracks are Frank Sinatra songs, which counts as a little more than an "ish" in most people's books . Finally Winehouse will also allegedly be joining the cast of the aforementioned reality TV show, where he will reportedly share a place in the jungle with such types as former Page Three girl Samantha Fox, footballer/actor Vinnie Jones, former Westlife 'singer' Brian McFadden and actor Brian Blessed, among others. If Mitch Winehouse had put half as much exertion into raising his daughter as he does milking her fame then maybe she wouldn't have ended up a self-harming crackhead...

Arctic Monkeys front man, Alex Turner, has been looking for inspiration in some relatively unlikely places, in the run up to his band's upcoming arena tour. Having been used to playing small to medium sized venues on their headline tours of the past, Turner admits that he is somewhat nervous about playing in huge stadiums, so he has been traveling around the globe watching gigs as part of his research. While you might think that he would be searching out names like Kings of Leon or even U2, Turner has instead turned to the world of pop, catching performances by the likes of Britney Spears, Beyonce and Kylie. It's all good, as long as he doesn't arrive on stage in a pair of Kylie-style hot pants because he definitely doesn't have the arse for them...

After reporting on Simon Cowell's hidden kind side last week, he's only gone and done something nice again, The music mogul auctioned an hour of his time to the highest bidder at an auction in Christie's of London, aimed at raising funds for Children's Hospices. Universal Music chairman, Lucian George came in with the winning bid of some $31,500, which seems reasonable, given that Cowell's many financial interests earn him a reputed $5,626 every hour just for being alive. Personally, if I were Lucian George, I'd make him spend the entire hour hopping on one leg, repeatedly saying "I'm a big girl's blouse". After subsequently telling him that he has as much talent as a gerbil with a banjo, I'd throw him in Mitch Winehouse's taxi and ask Mitch to sing David Hasselhoff tunes in the style of Mrs. Miller during the entire journey home. But that's just me.