Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Only days after Liam Gallagher's sister-in-law, Natalie Appleton proudly dismissed speculation in the media regarding the band's impending implosion, Oasis have apparently split up after another major falling out between the feuding brothers. According to Appleton: "Oasis will die before they split up - they're going to go on forever until they are old men. The rumors are absolute rubbish." Natalie might regret saying that because after a furious bust-up between Liam and Noel only moments before a scheduled show in France, the latter stormed out and later announced that he had quit the band, issuing a statement on their website saying: "It's with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight. People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer. Apologies to all the people who bought tickets for the shows in Paris, Konstanz and Milan." Witnesses backstage at the ill-fated Paris show claims that the proverbial straw came when Liam smashed up one of Noel's guitars at the height of their argument. All of the band's remaining tour dates have been cancelled and poor old Natalie is still attempting to scrape the egg off her face. While its not exactly on a par with the time Decca Records turned down the Beatles saying, "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out"; it's certainly up there in the just-shows-you-what-I-know stakes...

Just as one rock behemoth implodes, another is ready to take to the road once again, with confirmation that Limerick act, The Cranberries, are reforming with a view to touring and recording new material. Rumors of their return abounded in the wake of lead singer, Dolores Riordan's recent decision to cancel a scheduled solo tour of the States to promote her latest album, No Baggage. Speaking to the media last week, guitarist and co-songwriter, Noel Hogan claimed: "Over the last few years, each member of the band has had time to work on different projects and learn so much from their experience. Now the time is right for The Cranberries to bring all of this together and move forward." The multi-platinum selling band will reportedly use the tour to play their greatest hits, along with material from O'Riordan's latest album...

Snow Patrol are ready to return to the studio to begin work on their sixth album, which will reportedly see the band taking a new direction with their sound. Talking about their new songs to the BBC last week, lead guitarist Nathan Connolly stated: "They're all very different from each other. They will always be rooted in strong melody and Gary's lyrics. They sound like Snow Patrol but presented slightly differently. I think I'd rather let people make up their own mind. I think some people might be surprised. Some people might just think it's normal. I think it's different." ...

In one of the more peculiar stories to emerge in the music world last week, former Deep Purple/Rainbow guitarist, Ritchie Blackmore is apparently so upset with his son for joining Rainbow offshoot, Over The Rainbow, that he is taking the unusual step of attempting to get his son to change his second name. According to Over The Rainbow vocalist, Joe Lynn Turner: "Certain people... who are very close to him (Ritchie Blackmore) started to put ideas into his head. Then Ritchie suddenly became very antagonistic. Things got so bad that he insisted Jurgen, his own son, couldn't use the name Blackmore. Jurgen's full name is Jurgen Richard Blackmore - it says so on his birth certificate. He ended up sending a copy of that to Ritchie, to prove he had every right to the name. Thankfully, that's all behind us now, and everything's back on an even keel." Talk about egomaniacal, if I were young Jurgen, I'd head down to the nearest deed poll office and temporarily change my name to "Mydadritchieblackmore-isacompleteass***e", but that's just me...

Kelly Osbourne has just released her autobiography, Fierce, and, surprisingly, there remain some facts about her life that are not yet in the public domain. Giving an insight into the parental skills that bore all the hallmarks of her dysfunctional family, she writes: "One time, mum bought me thongs instead of big knickers. As I bent down, dad bellowed, 'Kelly, you're wearing a thong, Kelly? Thongs are for whores.' I jumped out of my skin. He pinned me down and cut off my thong in front of my school friends. They were standing there, mouths wide open as this piece of material no bigger than a string of dental floss was yanked out of my jeans. I died of embarrassment and burst into tears. Mum was hunched over the sink, laughing her head off, screeching, 'Ozzy! No!'" That sounds more like a story that should be talked about in private, preferably while lying down on a couch, after a few gin and tonics. Osbourne also recently revealed that she had to tell her boyfriend, Luke Worrall, that all of the male dancers on the upcoming series of Dancing With The Stars, are gay in order for him to allow her to participate. Apparently Luke is the jealous type. Personally I don't think he has anything to worry about, unless they are feeding the male contestants a diet of Viagra and alcohol...

Iron Maiden guitarist, Adrian Smith, recently claimed that he is a such an avid fisherman that he brings a bucket of maggots on the band's tour bus, in case they happen across any rivers that are ideally suited to his hobby. I'd imagine that goes down well when they're touring around hot climates. To be honest, when I first saw the heading "Iron Maiden guitarist brings maggots on tour", my first thought was, "Wow, who'd have thought that James Blunt and Chris de Burgh would have gone down with Iron Maiden's fan base?" ...

Pete Townshend is currently working on a new musical called Floss, which he hopes to debut on Broadway in 2011. Although the title would suggest that it is about what Lady Gaga wears out on a Saturday night, Townshend claims that it pertains to more weighty matters. Speaking to an interviewer last week, he gave the following plot description: "Walter, a straight-cut pub rock musician, is able to retire when one of his songs becomes the TV anthem of a big car company. He becomes a house-husband while his wife Floss devotes herself to a riding stables and stud. When he tries to return to music after a fifteen year hiatus, he finds that what he hears and what he composes evoke the ecologically rooted, apocalyptic mindset of his generation. Shaken by this and torn by personal difficulties, he and Floss become estranged. A series of dramatic events in a hospital emergency ward bring them both to their senses." It sounds like Pretentious would have been a more accurate title, but I suppose it's no more implausible than a rock opera about a blind victim of pedophilia who goes on to become a pinball champion...

Madonna incurred the wrath of a Romanian audience last Wednesday, when she broached the contentious subject of the country's ongoing problems with its Roma community. Addressing the audience of 60,000, the Material Girl stated: "It has been brought to my attention ... that there is a lot of discrimination against Romanies and Gypsies in general in Eastern Europe. It made me feel very sad. We don't believe in discrimination ... we believe in freedom and equal rights for everyone." The crowd immediately showed their distaste by booing and hissing. Human Rights groups claim that the Roma people are the most discriminated against race in Europe, and Romanian president, Traian Bsescu was overheard in May 2007 referring to a journalist as a "stinky gypsy"...

Keane singer, Tom Chaplin, admitted last week that he would love to recruit Oasis guitarist, Noel Gallagher to produce their next album, telling a reporter: "I often wonder if Noel is almost resisting the truth that Keane and Oasis are alike in a lot of respects. I think we share a lot of fans. We are both bands of the people. People love coming to a Keane show and an Oasis show because there's a directness to the songs and people come together in a very communal way. It would be great for Noel to produce us - I offer the olive branch. We're huge fans." Gallagher famously started something of a feud with Keane a few years back, saying: "No matter what direction Keane take, they'll still be s**t." Keane songwriter, Tim Rice-Oxley, responded by referring to Gallagher with an epithet that so vulgar that I can't even print it using asterisks, but suffice to say that it rhymes with what we used to call Irish money before the introduction of the Euro. I suppose the collaboration could happen now that Noel's looking for a bit of work.