Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Bono has created somewhat of a stir with the release last week of a poem that he penned almost 15 years ago. The ode, titled, American David, was unveiled on BBC 4 last week and although the 14-minute opus was recorded against a backdrop of Elvis music just two years ago, it was in fact initially written by the U2 front man way back in 1995. While there can be little doubting Bono's skill as a songwriter, his poetry may take some more getting used to, as evidenced by the following extract, which I must warn you, contains some strong language that I will not bleep out in the interests of artistic integrity. Anyway, here goes: 'elvis, the white nigger, ate at burger king, and just kept getting bigger, elvis, sang to win, elvis, the battle to be slim elvis, ate america, before america ate him, elvis, stamps, elvis, necromance, elvis, fans, elvis, psychphants, elvis, the public enemy, elvis, don't mean shit to chuck d, elvis, changed the centre of gravity, elvis, made it slippy, elvis, hitler, elvis, nixon, elvis, christ, elvis, mishima, elvis, marcus, elvis, jackson, elvis, the pelvis, elvis, the psalmist, elvis, the genius, elvis, the generous, elvis, forgive us, elvis, pray for us, elvis aaron presley'. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Bono might want to stick to the old pleasing all the people all of the time ditties that he is famed for, and I can't quite understand why this poem is only seeing the light of day now. To be perfectly honest, I can't quite understand why this poem is seeing the light of day at all, and if I had to respond to it by way of my own poem, it might go a little something like this: 'Bono, give us a break, a singer of a band does not a messiah make, Bono, pretentious git, your songs aren't bad but your poetry is...' well, you get the message. The words "clap" and "trap" spring to mind...

Liverpool clergy paid a touching tribute to John Lennon over the weekend, when bell ringers at the city's famed Catholic cathedral played the late Beatle's legendary track, Imagine. The move was considered somewhat contentious, considering the song opens with the line: "Imagine there's no religion", which kind of flies in the face of the church's entire raison d'être. A spokesperson for Liverpool's Catholic Church claimed: "Allowing Imagine to be pealed on our bells does not mean we agree with the song lyric. We recognize its power to make us think. As a cathedral we do not shrink from debate. We recognize the existence of other world views." Incidentally, for those of you that don't know, Liverpool's Catholic cathedral is also known as Paddy's Wigwam, because - as Wikipedia claims: "Liverpudlians affectionately call the cathedral 'Paddy's Wigwam' because of its largely Irish Catholic congregation and its general resemblance to a Native American teepee." In that case, would it not have been more apt to call it Paddy's Tepee? Just a thought...

While we're on the subject of Liverpool, love was in the air in the city last week when Scottish singer Paulo Nutini came to town for a live performance. Local man, Dave Campbell, approached the singer before the gig and informed him that he intended to ask his girlfriend, Debbie Casey, to marry him after Nutini performed his track, Alloway Grove, which is Casey's favorite song. When the moment came, however, Campbell bottled it, but the Scottish singer once again came to his aid by making the proposal himself. Speaking to the local media, Campbell claimed: "I'd resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen, when suddenly Paolo stopped singing and shouted, 'Is Debbie Casey here? If you are here, Debbie, will you marry Dave?' I don't know who was more surprised, me or Debbie. It was unbelievable. Paolo had obviously remembered what I had said and decided to help. Thankfully, she said yes and just flung herself into my arms. It was such a surreal moment. The pair of us were so happy and, when Paolo found out Debbie had said yes, he congratulated us mid-way through the concert. It was by far the best gig I've ever been to." For Campbell's sake, I hope that poor Debbie doesn't think that Nutini was asking her to marry her himself, because that will take a bit of explaining...

Oasis look on the verge of imploding once again, as tensions between the Gallagher brothers continue to mount during their ongoing tour of South America. Matters are not being helped by the fact that the band is unhappy that they are being forced to play in vast venues, often located on the outskirts of cities, instead of the more intimate surrounds that they are used to. In his always entertaining blog on the band's website, lead guitarist Noel Gallagher writes: "Curitiba was great. The gig was anyway. Dunno what we're trying to prove by playing places like that, and here in Porto Alegre for that matter. Why not just do 2 big, f*** off gigs in Rio and Sao Paolo? If everyone in Argentina is willing to travel to Buenos Aires to be part of one of the greatest nights of all time (I'm not kidding, you should've been there!), then I don't see what the difference is in Brazil. It's the kids who lose out, if you ask me. Someone throwing up a make-shift stage in some car park can never compare with the noise and colour of a stadium. Still, the gigs themselves are great. Could be better though." Adding to this pressure has been the constant sniping between Noel and his brother Liam, which has seen them fall out to the point where neither one is talking to the other, despite sharing the stage each night. Noel continued the mud slinging this week, saying that his brother is: "the angriest man you'll ever meet. He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup"...

Speaking of tour strife, Depeche Mode were forced to cancel several European gigs last week, when lead singer Dave Gahan came down with a harsh dose of gastroenteritis, which led to him being hospitalized. A statement issued on behalf of the band maintained: "Dave fell ill with a severe bout of gastroenteritis shortly before he was due onstage in Athens which resulted in his immediate hospitalization. At this stage, Dave's primary concern is to return to full health and resume the tour as soon as possible." I wouldn't imagine that it would be much fun to be on a tour-bus with someone suffering from that ailment because gastroenteritis can be a somewhat, well, olfactoric experience for those around the sufferer and wearing nose-plugs 24/7 can get old fast...

Boy George is a free man once again upon being released from prison last week, after serving only four months of a 15-month sentence, due to good behavior. The former Culture Club singer will purportedly wear an electronic monitoring tag for the duration of his sentence, after being convicted of falsely imprisoning male escort, Auden Carlson, in April of last year. I've got to say that I am a big fan of Boy George as a person, but whereas most people use their time in prison to hone their physiques (what? I watch a lot of episodes of Lock Up), George came out looking more like someone from Fat Club than Culture Club...

Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo recently spoke to UK tabloid The Sun, regarding his musical tastes - or lack thereof - telling the newspaper that he is a particular fan of R Kelly track I Believe I Can Fly, saying: "That is without doubt my favorite song in the world. R. Kelly is a great artist and the words to that song are a real inspiration to me." While most of us would know to quit while we're behind, upon declaring our love for the music of an alleged pedophile, Ronaldo was not done besmirching his own name, as he went on to assert that his absolute favorite star is Ricky Martin, stating: "Ricky's tunes are very catchy. Livin' La Vida Loca is his most catchy by far and it is my most favorite." While the guy may be one of the most talented footballers in the world (and a better diver than Jacques Cousteau), if I ever see him near a jukebox I'm going in with the most savage two-footed tackle seen this side of a kick around at the Joey Barton family picnic.