And Behold, The Pope Was Correct

By Charley Brady

I have to tell you, I have enjoyed every moment of Herr Pope Benedict XVI's peace mission to the Holy Land where every day he seemed to make things worse for himself.

There's nothing that I like better than to see opposing desert religions getting hot under the collar about each other.

The Pope didn't have enough tears in his eyes, apparently, or trembles in his voice as he failed to deliver what Israel considered a proper response to the Holocaust after his visit to Yad Vashem, the moving memorial to the six million Jews who were slaughtered under Hitler's sick regime.

I never thought that I would write this about Herr Benedict, but exactly what was he supposed to do?

Burst into tears as if he was some vain, deluded Hollywood actress who has just been given an Oscar?

What a no-win situation that was. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. No offence for the choice of language, Pontiff.

But you shouldn't have asked to bypass the exhibit criticising your predecessor Pope Pius XII. That was really stupid and divisive. And re-instating a British-born bishop who denies that the Holocaust even happened?

Who advises you people anyway?

I have upset people before by referring to his membership of the Hitler Youth. And here we go again as the Vatican issues a completely over-the-top statement from Federico Lombardi denying that his celestial boss was ever a member.

The then Joseph Ratzinger was sixteen bloody years of age. I remember how stupid I was at that age, don't you?

Thirty-four years on and I'm still cringing at some of the things that I did when I was sixteen. Doesn't everyone?

As a matter of fact I cringe at some of the things that I do now. Again, doesn't everyone?

But come off it. Even Damien Thompson, editor-in-chief of the Catholic Herald said: "The Pope's brief and enforced membership of the Hitler Youth is a matter of historical record. Lombardi's comments simply beggar belief. He should be immediately sent packing to an obscure country parish, where no doubt he will announce the wrong times of Mass in the newsletter."

I admire that and certainly laughed out loud, Mr. Thompson. I just hope that you don't get excommunicated or much worse, lose your job.

For Lombardi to spill his ill-advised statement that Ratzinger was never in the movement just doesn't wash as he had already admitted it in a series of interviews when he was still a cardinal in 1996 in the book "Salt of the Earth". And of course we have photographs of him in his rather fetching outfit, complete with Nazi badge of an eagle carrying the swastika.

What is Lombardi on and when you find out can I have some of it? Because it certainly seems to alter one's perception of reality.

Maybe he should have been the spokesman for William Burroughs instead of Uncle Benedict.

Of course the Pope then went on to make it even more hilarious for those such as myself, who believe in nothing that these religions throw at us, when on the following day he upset even more people when he called for a Palestinian state to be established and for an end to Israel's siege on the Gaza Strip.

Ouch! That certainly didn't go down well in certain quarters.

I happen to believe that also, but isn't it extraordinary to see major religions, nonsensical though they may be, at each other's throats over a peace mission?

I thought that you fellas all believed in the One True God.

Guess not.

Herr Benedict has gotten a lot of stick for his ultra-traditional views, but perhaps you folks who call yourselves Catholics should take a proper look at what he's saying. (Not that he makes it easy on himself, mind you, with the idea to elevate the aforementioned Pius XII, known as "Hitler's Pope", to sainthood.)

That's really going to win a lot of friends in the Jewish community, now isn't it?

He is espousing everything that I stand against and yet Catholics - and I was born one - don't seem to understand that he is saying exactly what he and the Vatican believe.

As a certain previous Pontiff said: "The Church is not a democracy."

So if you are true Catholics then stop having sex outside of marriage; only have sex if it is for the purpose of procreation; despise homosexuality and consider it "an abomination" unless "they" don't actually practise it; do not practise contraception even in countries where AIDS is monstrously widespread; and a hundred other things.

You don't GET to be this weirdly appropriately-named group called "a-la-Carte Catholics", where you pick and choose the bits you like and the bits that you don't like.

It doesn't MATTER if you insist on sitting at the front of the church every Sunday or wearing your best outfit so that everyone can see how devout you are.

Even if you're willing to obey the rules, shake hands with the priest who has just delivered some boring drivel of a sermon and hung around afterwards so that everybody can see what a great guy or gal you are, you're not getting through those pearly gates any quicker than the person who sits quietly in the back pew.

And if you sing your heart out at mass of a Sunday and then go home for sex before marriage in the afternoon before the pot roast you are definitely - ACCORDING TO YOURE OWN RULES -and I sure hate rules, not going upstairs to stare in awe at the Lord's face for eternity because you have SINNED, brothers and sisters. You have SINNED.

The person in the back pew or who doesn't go at all, for that matter, because they have better things to do like - oh, for example, re-arranging their sock drawer that day will be in the same situation as yourselves.

And for those singing their little hearts out while nudging others out of the way in order to get "their" seats, aren't they - and this is just a guess - indulging in one of the seven deadly sins? Pride.

That's not a part of the agreement. What you get is to live under a dictatorship that is ruled by an awesomely rich, powerful and influential city-state called the Vatican and which could cure world hunger overnight if they would sell off a tenth of the vast wealth that they hold on to.

What you get is to live under a dictatorship: but you won't accept that, will you?

Because that would mean that going to church once a week just isn't good enough.

You like the rules, but you don't live by them.

The Pontiff is right. Get used to it. YOU signed up for it.

If I'm not struck by a bolt of lightning in the meantime then I hope to see you again next week.

Same bat-time!

Same bat-channel!

You can reach Charley at chasbrady7@eircom.net