Joe Kavanagh's Music News

Nearly all of us have heard about the near mythical beneficial effects for women who listen to Mozart during the course of their pregnancy, whether it be the fact that it relaxes the mother or that it allegedly improves the language skills of the unborn child. Recent studies are now coming to the conclusion that not only are such stories true, but scientists are fast coming to believe that the Austrian composer's work is nothing short of remarkable when it comes to treating other illnesses. In a series of studies carried out by such esteemed bodies as the London Institute of Neurology, University of Athens and University of Illinois it has been conclusively discovered that listening to Mozart's work can affect everything from stress and depression to fetal development and epilepsy. Tests showed that listening to Mozart's K448 Piano Sonata before completing a puzzle could produce a temporary IQ boost of up to nine points in some people. In another case, a man that suffered from acute epilepsy had been treated with myriad different medications to little or no effect, but then saw his seizures completely dry up to the complete bafflement of his doctors. The only change that doctors could find in the patient's behavior was the fact that he had begun listening to Mozart on a regular basis. Even fish are affected, with a study of carp in the US showing that the fish that were exposed to Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusic, at 30-minute intervals, grew larger and suffered from less stress. Conversely, if you are forced to listen to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 100 times in a row, your IQ will fall by 30 points. I'm lying, that last one's just mine but the rest is apparently true...

Really classy dame that Heather Mills, eh? Last week, she stood in a London court and launched a passionate attack on ex-husband, Paul McCartney, for refusing to provide enough money for herself and daughter, Beatrice, to travel in first class for the rest of their lives. Only days later, it transpired that Mills had booked a first class flight to the US for herself and made arrangements for her daughter to travel over several days later, on economy. I also read that she has been signed up to be a judge on the upcoming Miss USA pageant, although I'm not sure what credentials qualified her for the position. Ordinarily, those roles are kept for pervy men in advanced-middle-age, with froth drooling from their open mouths. I suppose Mills could always share her tips on how to take advantage of a good natured older man, persuade him that you have his best interests at heart (even as all around him know differently) and then promptly make off with as much of his money as possible, whilst leaving your dignity and integrity neatly behind you...

Speaking of moaning types, James Blunt gave an extensive interview with the UK media last week, where he spoke glowingly of his time in the army and said he sometimes wished he was still just a serving soldier. I think that half of planet earth - the half with taste - wish the exact same thing. The singer told interviewer, Esther Walker: "I was really comfortable in the Army, really at home there. I miss how non-judgmental soldiers are. At school, when I was very young, I remember someone calling me posh, and I hadn't been called posh until I got into this industry. In the army we were reliant on each other and no one cared about my background. Now I'm in the most judgmental industry in the world." Hadn't been called posh? Get out of it! I find it impossible to believe that someone who lists the Queen of England as the most famous person he knows, was raised in the serenity of Harrow, dated a string of heiress/socialite women and whose actual real name is James Hillier Blount, has no conception why people would call him posh. Personally I have nothing against his poshness, it's those damn songs that make me dislike him. Lots. Actually, not to pile it on but I just loved Paulo Nutini's response when a journalist asked him how he felt about being called the next James Blunt. The Scottish singer replied: "I don't mind being criticized, but hearing yourself described as the next James Blunt - that hurts."...

After all that negativity I feel I should pay someone a compliment so hats off to Gaz Coombes and Danny Goffey of UK act, Supergrass, who spent all of last Wednesday busking in Convent Garden, London, with all the money they raised going to the homeless charity: Crisis. Not all rock stars are caught up in their own hyper-inflated egoism and Supergrass are some of the good guys...

On to Mika (feels hairs bursting through undershirt, must... hold... back... rage). Actually, I shouldn't say that because I happen to think that Mika is pretty good as a pop artist. Just don't tell anybody. Anyhow, Mika has had to up his security detail in recent days because - and I quote - "because of death threats from fans." Now, call me old fashioned, but I thought fans were the ones that were supposed to like you. I've only got two questions. If these are his fans, what the hell are his enemies like and why the hell can't James Blunt have more fans like this... Ok, ok, I promise no more pops at poor James...

Another curious quote that I read came from none other than Keith Richards, who was talking about the internal dynamics of the Rolling Stones. Keefy was quoted as saying: "A band's job is to make the frontman feel confident. That's the whole point of a band. One for all and all for one." Keef appears to be mixing up bands with make believe 19th Century French soldiers and anyway, here was me thinking that the beautiful groupies, oodles of cash, polo games with the Marquis of Stacksacash and narcotics would make the frontman confident. Who knew? ...

Irish boy band (middle-aged man band at this stage) Boyzone, are still doing their level best to whip up interest in their upcoming reunion by going around and talking to anyone that even looks like they might care. This week, it was "singer" Ronan Keating's turn, as he did an extraordinary impression of someone who has been dropped on their head repeatedly, to the point that their hitherto tenuous link with reality appears conclusively severed. Speaking of their split in 1999, Keating claimed: "A lot of people felt I was the reason Boyzone broke up. But it was the five of us that decided Boyzone was taking a break. Yes, I led the break-up, but I fully intended to come back; we all did. And then my career took off. I wasn't expecting it to be like that. It went crazy for me and it was an amazing time - I was riding the crest of a wave and I couldn't drop it." FYI Ronan, nobody cares why Bozone broke up, just the fact that they did was solace enough to us and as for your second contention about your career "taking off"? Maybe, if by "taking off", you mean the same motion that a person makes when they jump off a building with suicidal intent. If you call success going from selling millions of albums to selling 26 and desperately jumping genres to stay in the spotlight (by the way, those leather pants were more Blue Oyster Bar than biker bar) to the point where even a determined and motivated Boyzone-hater had like me had sympathy for you in the end, then you were a conquering hero my son.